out of sorts and time away

Do you ever have one of those days where everything just feels out of sorts? Today was one of those days. Maybe it was because of the stress of knowing that finals are a week away. Or maybe it was guilt for not getting to church for the third week in a row. Or maybe it was a combination of things, I'm not going to stress out about why today was an out-of-sorts day. That would be a pointless exercise.

One of the best techniques I learned during my year from hell was to be still amidst the turmoil. Maybe that is what I need to do. Instead of predicting how well I need to do on my exams and projects, instead of planning out when to do each assignment, instead of freaking out because the day is basically over with nothing to show for it, instead of focusing on the out-of-sort-ness I am going to choose to be still, quiet, and let God romance me. He has a way of working out the kinks in everything.

May you take time to be still and let Love fight the kinks out.



“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.”    ~ Psalm 46:10(MSG)

thanksgiving and a list of thankfulness

In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to make a list of everything that I am thankful for this year.

I'm thankful for:

• my mom and dad
• my sisters and their SO's
• my niece and her unconditional love
• being loved and cared for even when I'm far away
• my host family
• the little girls who freely give of their love and their hugs
• technology like Facetime and Skype that let me stay connected
• having my credits transfer in such a way that I can graduate 2 quarters early
• making new friends at school, at church, and around Queen Anne
• the billions of independent coffee shops
• surprise packages with everything but the dove bars
• hearts changed
• having food to eat
• having clothes to wear
• having a place to live
• my new church family at City Church
• my old church families at Legacy Chapel and Littleton SDA Church
• the women of my bible study who shower me with love and prayer
• the Starbucks near my house for the Clover, the coffees, and the baristas.
• a laptop and phone that work
• the mile walk from home to school that has improved my fitness
• being able to donate blood
• getting perfect scores on all three statistics tests
• being able to watch some of the broncos games on TV
• having a TV
• my ADX sisters and AGO brothers
• God-incidences that keep me alive and well
• being in the best health of my life
• two working ankles with no hint of weakness
• rain boots, rain jackets, and my umbrella
• life-changing experiences at GC College Camp
• the men and women who God has used to speak a word of truth into my life
• my best friend and her influence in my life
• the knowledge that I get to see my family and friends in 14 days
• being alive and out of my desert storm
• the peace that has come with knowing that Seattle is exactly where God wants me

There are so many other things I could add to this. There is so much that I am thankful for. The last two years have been the most difficult years of my life and to know that God has used those experiences for his benefit makes it all worth it.

Abba, I thank you for life. I thank you for carrying me out of my desert storm. Thank you for not leaving me there to die. I thank you for leading me to Seattle. I know you have a reason for me being here and I am thankful that you are in control. You truly are glorious. I glorify you. 

a memorial and thankfulness

Today marks one year since I started treatment for my Graves' Disease. Since that day in Seattle, Washington, I have gone through a lot of changes. Physical changes like my thyroid levels normalizing, the thyroid eye disease going into remission, and losing 75% of the weight I had gained over the course of my year from hell. Psychosocial changes like climbing out of the deep pit of depression and anxiety that the disease had brought, being aware of the fragility of life, pursuing my friends once again, and discovering that I am a creative and metaphorical woman. There are so many other ways that I have grown and changed in the last 365 days and I just know there will continue to be more and more changes as I continue on the road to full physical, mental, and spiritual health.

At Legacy this morning, Brant talked about making memorials, physical reminders of where I have been and what God has brought me through. So here is a little something that I wrote about my year from hell this evening.

I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
It is because of you that I can praise you today!
You alone are the reason I can sing and dance!
You walked with me, holding my hand until I couldn't walk anymore.
And when I crumbled to the ground, unable to take another step,
you picked me up and carried me through the worst of the desert storm.
You carried me whispering that you had me and to rest in your arms.
You didn't leave me in the desert with the wind howling,
the dust swirling about, and the thunder and lightening hovering overhead.
No, you didn't leave me.
You lovingly took me in your arms, pressed my head to your chest,
whispered, "I've got you. Rest now." and started walking,
while the storm raged on.