blogging and God's awesomeness, part 1

Today, I was strongly encouraged to blog, since I haven't blogged in a couple weeks, by one of my ADX sisters, I'll call her Aro. So here I am, attempting to write however its not going that well. Maybe its because I'm trying too hard to write something thought-provoking that will spur each of my readers to become better people. I'll be honest, thats my problem. I've been told by my friends that read my blog that some of my posts are powerful spiritually. And now whenever I think about writing, I wonder if its "good enough," will it have enough "spiritual-ness" to bring people closer to God? 

When I first started writing, this was a way for me to share what I was learning about God's awesomeness through my daily life. But now, I've become egotistical and way to absorbed in the awesomeness of myself. I've become a pharisee-blogger. I'm a pharisaical blogger.

I'm not sure where this leaves me and this blog. I think I need to spend some time evaluating why I'm writing, whether its to glorify me or God.

Abba, I ask that you be glorified in everything that I do whether it be going to class, meeting with friends, or writing on this blog. Let your love flow out of me onto everybody with whom I interact. Forgive me for ever thinking that I was ever the one touching hearts through my writing when really it has always been you working through me. Thank you for loving me even when I mess up. 

Real Community

I normally have a specific format for this blog and don't ever just give a shout out to another blog. However I feel that sometimes its important to break a "rule" for the better of everyone here. So here it is!

The blog is called Real Community and the purpose of it is to encourage, "people to come together to glorify God through community. We want to address the false idea that people have to go through life by themselves. We want to come alongside people in their struggles and use that to deepen our relationship with Christ." I really encourage each of you to take a look at it.

God, I just want to lift up Real Community and the bloggers who write on it. Use them to cause a revolution of what being a Christ-follower looks like, to form a worldwide community full of real people who don't have everything figured out.

seeing and acceptance

So I'm going to share some really personal details about my romantic relationships (love life, boys, any other similar term) or lack thereof. I have had one boyfriend. That's it. I've never had any friends with benefits, or one night stands or made out with a random stranger or anything else that is like that. That's not to say that I haven't had my fair share of crushes. :) Honestly, most of the time, I am completely okay with being the single gal. Sometimes though, it can be hard.

Recently, I've seen a good number of my friends start dating, either another friend or somebody else. And even though I am super happy for each of them, at the same time it brings up a lot of my issues of self-worth. Sometimes all I want is for one solid, fantastic man to see me for all that I am and realize that I am perfect for him, just the way I am. Then tonight, I was thinking about that and I realized something.

There is somebody who sees me and wants me just as I am. In the first chapter of John, verse 47 and 48 the author (John) writes about when Jesus calls Philip and Nathanael. Listen to this, "When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, 'Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.' 'How do you know me?' Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, 'I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.'" At first glance, this may seem like its not a big deal, however if we skip over it, we miss something important. My bible study leader, J, put it this way. When Jesus said to Nathanael "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree," its like he's saying, "I see you. I know every little thing that you do, especially the little things that nobody else notices. I appreciate you for those things. I accept you just as I see you."

He's saying that to you and me right now. He wants us to come to him when we're hurting, when we're scared, when we're feeling under-appreciated, when we are feeling alone, when we feel like nobody understands us, when it seems like our world is falling apart, when we've met someone special, when we are wanting to be loved for who we are, when we want to be seen. 

[your name here] said, "Where did you get that idea? You don't know me."

Jesus answered, "One day, long before Philip called you here, I saw you under the fig tree." ~ John 1:48 The Message (Emphasis added by blogger)