wellness and excuses

Almost four weeks ago, my mom and I were in a three car accident (we were the middle car). Since then I have had a lot of back and neck pain and so I've started going to a chiropractor in order to get some relief. I know I don't want to deal with this pain for the rest of my life.

Now, I don't bring this up because I want to get pity or attention about my accident but rather because I realized something recently that goes along with it really well. A talk at the Annex  several weeks ago was titled "What Do You Really Want" and it was based on John 5:1-8 (I suggest listening to the talk which you can find here). It made me think a lot about what I would say if Jesus were to come up to me tomorrow and ask me, "Do you want to get well?"

I've had a lot of medical issues in my life and so I have an inkling of what the man from the Bible passage has gone through. If Jesus were to ask me if I wanted to get well, I wouldn't hesitate for a second! I would shout a loud resounding YES! Taking the pain and horribleness (yes, that is a word...at least it is in my dictionary) that goes with it would make life so much better. With my back pain right now, I would shout a loud YES if Jesus were to ask me.

So why, when Bill angled the same exact question towards mental/spiritual/emotional sickness such as partying, eating disorders, etc, did I pause? Why is it so much more difficult to want to be well from sin than to be well from physical pain? Isn't that just a different kind of sickness, the heart kind? Why is it that we continually come up with excuses for not immediately saying yes? Look at the man in the passage, he has an excuse. Do we come up with reasons why we don't want to not be physically sick anymore? "Oh well actually I don't want you to make this flu go away. I mean, the puking is good practice for something... like being pregnant some day" I mean really, who even does that?? And yet each of us, including me for sure, make excuses of why we have to hold onto our sicknesses - our partying, our raunchy movies/music/tv/magazines, our gossiping, our jealousy, our little white lies. Life can be.  so.  much.  better.

Jesus, I need to want to get well. I know I can't get to that point of actually wanting it without you. Help me to stop giving excuses for why I can't get well. And Jesus, just as I wouldn't hesitate at all if you were to ask me if I wanted to get well from my back pain, help me to have the same kind of response when you ask me if I want to get well from my heart sickness, a loud resounding YES!

still processing

This last week was spring break for me. It was probably one of the best spring breaks I've had. I went on a mission trip with the Annex to Denver. We stayed at Crossroads of the Rockies and helped out with their food and clothing bank on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We also got to work with their children's director on helping out with the after school programs such as tutoring, basketball, and cheer-leading. It was an intense week that went by really fast. There is so much still whirling inside my head about what I learned from this experience and yet when people ask about my break now, the most I can get out is that it was really great and that I went on a mission trip to Denver. Why is it that sometimes we have so much that is being processed that we can't begin to start talking about it? Am I the only one who is experiencing this? One thing I can articulate, this trip has fanned the flames of my desire to get into missions.

God, this trip was a real eye-opener. Thank you so much for the opportunity to go and serve in Denver. Help me not to come back and just go on with life like it never happened. I want to grow and change from this experience. In Your name I pray, Amen.

For pics from my trip, click on this link.

html and surrendering

I've decided having this blog will be fun. Since I got it, I have started learning HTML (way cool!!!). Instead of just being about my travels once I get to Italy, I am now going to just start putting my thoughts here. Hopefully I won't be really boring but then again I don't see this becoming a hugely popular blog so it doesn't really matter whether I am boring or not because those who read this will obviously want to put in the time it takes to read my thoughts.

Today, I went to the Annex for the fourth time ever. I am loving it! After hearing soo much about it all last school year and first semester this school year, I finally took the step and went this semester. Why did it take me so long to go to something that so many of my close friends were encouraging me to go to? Was it because I haven't wanted to go deeper in my relationship with Jesus because I'm fearful of what he has planned for me?
In Oregon, growing up, I was really involved in activities in my church. I was on the worship team, active in my youth group, went to all the youth festivals, helped out with the toddlers, worked with VBS. You name it, I was most likely there. Then when my family moved to CO, we were no longer an integral part of the church. At first when we found our church here, I wasn't involved in church activities because I hadn't met anyone yet. But then a month passed, and another and another and now five years out and nobody in my family is involved in our church. Somewhere along the way, we became the family that just sits in the church pew. 
Since coming to CU and joining Alpha Delta Chi (ADX), my relationship with Jesus has radically changed. I've grown in ways that I never thought I could. I'm finally understanding what it means to pursue God, to run hard and fast towards Him. And yet, I don't think I have truly surrendered to Him. Why else would I have resisted to going to the Annex, a place where I could grow in my faith through getting involved? God, I surrender everything to you. I desire to dig deeper in our relationship. Help me to take the steps to get involved in the Annex.

I'm leaving you with this verse. This is my verse for the day, maybe even the week or the month. May you leave the details of your life at God's feet; may you fix your energy on God; may you be transformed into his image; and may you answer God's call with the speed and urgency that he desires.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."  ~ Romans 12:2 (The Message)