personality, epiphanies, and the church

I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for the first time when I was about 10 years old. I’m not sure that researchers have studied the accuracy of the test for children but whatever the case, I remember getting ESFJ.

Fast-forward about ten years, and I took it for the second time. By this time, I knew more about the test itself and had some ideas about my personality; or at least, I knew that the first letter referred to either extraversion or introversion. By this age, I was aware that people were extremely important to me and I figured this meant that I was an extravert. Back to the MBTI, the second time I scored as an ENFP. This time, I read the description and felt it moderately described what I knew of my personality; it was not a perfect fit but it was pretty close.

Then this weekend happened.

It all started with this hobby of mine. You see, I like to understand people. I like to understand what makes people tick: why this person responds in this way and that person responds in that way. I enjoy reading different articles and books about personality psychology because it helps me better understand the people in my context. However, this weekend, my hobby took me to uncharted territory.

I found an article on Huffington Post about introversion. I have a number of friends who identify as introverts so I enjoy reading about introversion to help me understand their experience of life. Well, it was going fine and dandy until I had an epiphany. The person that the article was describing with these classic signs of introversion was uncomfortably similar to myself. 

Could I be an introvert?

So, I did what any good scientist would do and went back to the beginning of the article and read it closely analyzing each trait that was mentioned while frantically wracking my brain for experiences in my life to both prove and disprove each sign. I got to the end of the article and realized the shocking news: I mostly likely was an introvert.

How could I have lived my entire life without knowing this rather large detail about myself? How could I be a self-proclaimed people person and be an introvert? Surely, I was mistaken.

I spent the next 48 hours poring over different articles on introversion and extraversion, tentatively asking my very close friends for their opinions on the idea, and reflecting on past experiences in my life. At some point during that time, I decided to try something with the MBTI: I took it for the third time. This time I got INFP. Again, I read the description; only this time, it was like having someone hold up a mirror to my face. I was reading about myself!

Somewhere between seeing that mirror and having a couple friends exclaim that they had seen me as an introvert already that I accepted the truth: I was and am an introvert. This is both freeing and scary. I’m in uncharted territory. It’s like I’ve been painting the canvas of life with what I thought to be the color fire engine red only to discover that I’ve been painting with robin’s egg blue this whole time.

In one of my classes, Global Christian Heritage II, we have spent a lot of time talking about sacraments, worship style, and spiritual practices throughout our Christian history. We debate various methods of evangelism and the complications of imperial Christianity in other countries.

This week, as I live my life for the first time as a conscious introvert, I am struck by how much extraversion is rewarded in Christianity. We affirm the communal aspects of life so much that the private aspects of our faith are pushed to the margins. We push community groups; we invite people to meet-and-greet during worship services; we play music that is highly stimulating with drums and electric guitars; we honor the friendly, energetic volunteer in front of the congregation. These tasks all reward the extravert.

Where in our faith do we leave space for introverts? Where are the quiet times in our services? How are we supporting the diversity of personalities in our brothers and sisters?

My epiphany this weekend about my own introversion has raised a lot of questions that I hope to explore further as I grow in my understanding of my self. I also see a need for the Church regarding this. Maybe I can help create that space and recognition that introverts matter in the Church.

*This post was originally written for a reflection for a Practicum class. 

A reflection on I AM

This week at church, we are starting a new series on Revelation. At the service tonight, Pastor Blake asked us to reflect on the first chapter (which I've included below) and to listen to what the Spirit was highlighting and drawing our attention to. This is what came from that time.


I AM who was, is, and is coming.

I AM the Human One.
I AM the one who loves you.
I AM the warrior who has freed you.
I AM passion and peace, fire and water.

Do not fear, for I AM
with you forever and always.

You are no longer like a dead woman.
In me, you are alive: you have life.
So do not be afraid.

I have looked fear in the face.
Look, I am alive - fear did not win!
I have the keys of Death and the Grave.
Do not be afraid.

Listen to my voice of peace:
I am the one who was, and is, and is to come.

Revelation 1**

A revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place. Christ made it known by sending it through his angel to his servant John, 2 who bore witness to the word of God and to the witness of Jesus Christ, including all that John saw. 3 Favored is the one who reads the words of this prophecy out loud, and favored are those who listen to it being read, and keep what is written in it, for the time is near.

4 John, to the seven churches that are in Asia:
Grace and peace to you from the one who is and was and is coming, and from the seven spirits that are before God’s throne,5 and from Jesus Christ—the faithful witness, the firstborn from among the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth.
To the one who loves us and freed us from our sins by his blood, 6 who made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father—to him be glory and power forever and always. Amen.

7 Look, he is coming with the clouds! Every eye will see him, including those who pierced him, and all the tribes of the earth will mourn because of him. This is so. Amen. 8 “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “the one who is and was and is coming, the Almighty.”

9 I, John, your brother who shares with you in the hardship, kingdom, and endurance that we have in Jesus, was on the island called Patmos because of the word of God and my witness about Jesus. 10 I was in a Spirit-inspired trance on the Lord’s day, and I heard behind me a loud voice that sounded like a trumpet. 11 It said, “Write down on a scroll whatever you see, and send it to the seven churches: to Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, and Laodicea.”

12 I turned to see who was speaking to me, and when I turned, I saw seven oil lamps burning on top of seven gold stands.13 In the middle of the lampstands I saw someone who looked like the Human One. He wore a robe that stretched down to his feet, and he had a gold sash around his chest. 14 His head and hair were white as white wool—like snow—and his eyes were like a fiery flame. 15 His feet were like fine brass that has been purified in a furnace, and his voice sounded like rushing water.16 He held seven stars in his right hand, and from his mouth came a sharp, two-edged sword. His appearance was like the sun shining with all its power.

17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet like a dead man. But he put his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m the first and the last, 18 and the living one. I was dead, but look! Now I’m alive forever and always. I have the keys of Death and the Grave.19 So write down what you have seen, both the scene now before you and the things that are about to unfold after this. 20 As for the mystery of the seven stars that you saw in my right hand and the seven gold lampstands, here is what they mean: the seven stars are the angels of the seven churches, and the seven lampstands are the seven churches.

**emphasis added by the author.

html and surrendering

I've decided having this blog will be fun. Since I got it, I have started learning HTML (way cool!!!). Instead of just being about my travels once I get to Italy, I am now going to just start putting my thoughts here. Hopefully I won't be really boring but then again I don't see this becoming a hugely popular blog so it doesn't really matter whether I am boring or not because those who read this will obviously want to put in the time it takes to read my thoughts.

Today, I went to the Annex for the fourth time ever. I am loving it! After hearing soo much about it all last school year and first semester this school year, I finally took the step and went this semester. Why did it take me so long to go to something that so many of my close friends were encouraging me to go to? Was it because I haven't wanted to go deeper in my relationship with Jesus because I'm fearful of what he has planned for me?
In Oregon, growing up, I was really involved in activities in my church. I was on the worship team, active in my youth group, went to all the youth festivals, helped out with the toddlers, worked with VBS. You name it, I was most likely there. Then when my family moved to CO, we were no longer an integral part of the church. At first when we found our church here, I wasn't involved in church activities because I hadn't met anyone yet. But then a month passed, and another and another and now five years out and nobody in my family is involved in our church. Somewhere along the way, we became the family that just sits in the church pew. 
Since coming to CU and joining Alpha Delta Chi (ADX), my relationship with Jesus has radically changed. I've grown in ways that I never thought I could. I'm finally understanding what it means to pursue God, to run hard and fast towards Him. And yet, I don't think I have truly surrendered to Him. Why else would I have resisted to going to the Annex, a place where I could grow in my faith through getting involved? God, I surrender everything to you. I desire to dig deeper in our relationship. Help me to take the steps to get involved in the Annex.

I'm leaving you with this verse. This is my verse for the day, maybe even the week or the month. May you leave the details of your life at God's feet; may you fix your energy on God; may you be transformed into his image; and may you answer God's call with the speed and urgency that he desires.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."  ~ Romans 12:2 (The Message)