A reflection on I AM

This week at church, we are starting a new series on Revelation. At the service tonight, Pastor Blake asked us to reflect on the first chapter (which I've included below) and to listen to what the Spirit was highlighting and drawing our attention to. This is what came from that time.


I AM who was, is, and is coming.

I AM the Human One.
I AM the one who loves you.
I AM the warrior who has freed you.
I AM passion and peace, fire and water.

Do not fear, for I AM
with you forever and always.

You are no longer like a dead woman.
In me, you are alive: you have life.
So do not be afraid.

I have looked fear in the face.
Look, I am alive - fear did not win!
I have the keys of Death and the Grave.
Do not be afraid.

Listen to my voice of peace:
I am the one who was, and is, and is to come.

Revelation 1**

A revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place. Christ made it known by sending it through his angel to his servant John, 2 who bore witness to the word of God and to the witness of Jesus Christ, including all that John saw. 3 Favored is the one who reads the words of this prophecy out loud, and favored are those who listen to it being read, and keep what is written in it, for the time is near.

4 John, to the seven churches that are in Asia:
Grace and peace to you from the one who is and was and is coming, and from the seven spirits that are before God’s throne,5 and from Jesus Christ—the faithful witness, the firstborn from among the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth.
To the one who loves us and freed us from our sins by his blood, 6 who made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father—to him be glory and power forever and always. Amen.

7 Look, he is coming with the clouds! Every eye will see him, including those who pierced him, and all the tribes of the earth will mourn because of him. This is so. Amen. 8 “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “the one who is and was and is coming, the Almighty.”

9 I, John, your brother who shares with you in the hardship, kingdom, and endurance that we have in Jesus, was on the island called Patmos because of the word of God and my witness about Jesus. 10 I was in a Spirit-inspired trance on the Lord’s day, and I heard behind me a loud voice that sounded like a trumpet. 11 It said, “Write down on a scroll whatever you see, and send it to the seven churches: to Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, and Laodicea.”

12 I turned to see who was speaking to me, and when I turned, I saw seven oil lamps burning on top of seven gold stands.13 In the middle of the lampstands I saw someone who looked like the Human One. He wore a robe that stretched down to his feet, and he had a gold sash around his chest. 14 His head and hair were white as white wool—like snow—and his eyes were like a fiery flame. 15 His feet were like fine brass that has been purified in a furnace, and his voice sounded like rushing water.16 He held seven stars in his right hand, and from his mouth came a sharp, two-edged sword. His appearance was like the sun shining with all its power.

17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet like a dead man. But he put his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m the first and the last, 18 and the living one. I was dead, but look! Now I’m alive forever and always. I have the keys of Death and the Grave.19 So write down what you have seen, both the scene now before you and the things that are about to unfold after this. 20 As for the mystery of the seven stars that you saw in my right hand and the seven gold lampstands, here is what they mean: the seven stars are the angels of the seven churches, and the seven lampstands are the seven churches.

**emphasis added by the author.

blogging and God's awesomeness, part 2

It has once again been a long time since I wrote. It's not that I don't want to write, because I do. I'll think of something that I want to share with you that happened that day and what it made me think about. But when I sit down to write, the words don't come. I fought this at first; its hard to have something that you want to share but not be able to share it.

So here I am, actually writing for the first time in over two months. In my last post, I realized that I had become so focused on my glory that I lost sight of God's glory with this blog. I have done a lot of soul searching since then, trying to figure out whether my time as a blogger was finished, learning what my talents are.

I honestly believe that this blog is my service for God right now. It's my way of sharing what I am learning about God and my relationship with him. My mission field per say. Just like missionaries need breaks to not become burnt out and lose their focus, I needed the same. There has been so much hard stuff going on in my life recently that I had burnt out and lost my focus.

I'm not sure when I'll write again. I know that this is not the end of this blog, in fact, I would say it is a beginning of sorts, a beginning of honest talks, with no BS allowed.

Abba, I want to keep my eyes on Jesus, through the easy times and the hard times. I know I've messed up. I looked away and just as Peter started sinking when he doubted his ability to walk in the steps of his Rabbi (walk on water), I started sinking. I'm grabbing your hand, Jesus, I need you. In your name I pray, Amen.

writers block and listening for His voice

"Writer's block is a condition, associated with writing as a profession, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition varies widely in intensity. It can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task in hand. At the other extreme, some "blocked" writers have been unable to work for years on end, and some have even abandoned their careers. It can manifest as the affected writer viewing their work as inferior or unsuitable, when in fact it could be the opposite." (Wikipedia)

Some of you might be thinking that it's rather odd that I start this off with a definition, especially for a condition associated with writing which I would consider myself inept at. But there is a reason and I shall try to explain it, we'll see if I can actually explain it well. When I started this blog, I came up with this unplanned format that I shaped each of my blog posts to and it works. It starts off with something that is going on in my life, something that at first glimpse may seem ordinary or mundane, and then applying it somehow to my walk with God.

Lately, I haven't been posting as often as I did during the school year. Its not because I am losing interest in blogging but more because I found out that some of my friends read my blog. Every time I think about blogging now, instead of inspiration coming quickly, I start to worry about whether my current idea is good enough; whether it will live up to my friends' expectations. I realized this week that to a certain extent, I have writers block (or in my case, bloggers block?). I'm telling you this because this is what's going on in my life and because the very condition that I "have" has cured me.

How many times in your life have you felt like no matter how much you yell, shout, plead, or cry out to God that he is not answering you? I know I have definitely lost track of how often that happens for me! It's like the open phone line between you and God is out-of-order, or at the very least, on hold. Just as I have a case of writers block, we can sometimes feel like we get hearing-God block, a condition in which it appears that God is not answering our prayers. Psalm 18:6,16 says, "In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried out to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears... He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters." Sounds to me like he hears my cry, and he answers me! Maybe hearing-God block isn't actually a condition, maybe the problem is that we are yelling and shouting so loud that we fail to hear God's quiet voice whispering "I hear you. I'm coming, my daughter."

That makes me think of my 2 month old niece. Here's what sometimes happens when she is hungry. She will start fussing and then it turns to crying. And if food doesn't come fast enough, the crying will escalate and continue getting louder and louder. In her young mind, she is so sure that mommy can't hear her cries for her and thus the crying escalates because of that on top of her hunger.  Now, my sister is a very good mother. This is how it goes from her perspective. Before my niece ever starts crying for food, my sister is watching her and has noticed that she is getting hungry. So she starts getting ready to feed her. (Its usually about this time that my niece starts crying) As my sister is getting ready, she is talking to her daughter, telling her over and over again in her quiet mothering voice that somehow miraculously came with motherhood, "I'm coming, baby girl. Mommy hears you."

Maybe the problem is not that God is not answering but that we are like my niece, so sure that God can't hear us that we shout louder and louder until we are worn out. God is always with us. Psalms 37:24 says that "the Lord holds them [the godly] by the hand." Maybe realizing that God is always there will help us calm down and then we will be able to hear God's wonderful voice whispering to us,

"I'm here, my child. I hear you and I'm coming."

God, thank you for always being with me, holding my hand and never letting me fall. When I am in trouble and crying out to you, help me to remember that you will never let go of me and that you do hear my cries.


"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress."
                                                                   ~ Psalm 107:6, 13, 19, 28