paul and vision

Today's talk at Legacy Chapel was the last in a series on personal vision. It was a really awesome series and I'll probably talk more about what I've learned from it at some point in the future.

Today, we focused on Saul who became Paul. The main point was that God has an exact location for your vision. There is a specific place where God wants you. In Acts 9, God speaks to Ananias and tells him to go to a specific location. There he will find Saul who is waiting for him.

The absolute coolest point that stood out for me was that God used Ananias to bring Saul/Paul's healing. If not for Ananias, Paul wouldn't have fulfilled his vision, he wouldn't have transformed the Christian faith. God uses ordinary people like Ananias for His Kingdom purpose. He blessed Ananias and Saul/Paul simultaneously! How cool is that!

So get up and go! Go to the exact location where God is calling you! Go!

an illustration and God's best

I was given this by one of my wonderful sisters and I thought I would share it. It's such a good illustration of what God wants for us, genuine beauty.

The Pearl Necklace: Author Unknown 

A cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had abubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess-- the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
" Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And, when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of beautiful genuine pearls. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.

What imitations are we holding onto that stops us from receiving God's genuine treasures?

May you be like the little girl and be able to let go of what we hold closest to your heart. May you experience the joy that comes with letting go and receiving God's treasures.

Abba, I pray that I would  not continue to hold on to the imitations in my life. Help me to remember that you have the absolute best for me and it's worth the sacrifice of surrendering my all to you.

coincidences and God

Do you ever have those moments where you KNOW that they are completely and utterly moments where God is working? Where events seem to just work together so perfectly? Some people might call them coincidences, I  like to call them God-incidences.

I just had one of those.

I have gone through a semester of intense learning. I have grown leaps and bounds in my faith. I can't express how much of a change I see in myself and how I view events. I have gone from having absolutely no clue what I was going to be doing six months down the road to having a rough idea of what the next six months is going to hold. I've gone from being very unsure of what my passion was to being confident that I have discovered it. I know where my heart is, I have some idea of what purpose God has created me for.

At the beginning of the semester, it felt like I was in a holding pattern of sorts. I was waiting. At first, I struggled a lot with God telling me to be still and wait, to get to know Him, His character, and His plans. I didn't want to wait. I wanted to be doing something. I wanted to hurry up and get to the "good" stuff. Yet God knew that I wasn't ready for it. I needed the time of waiting to dig deep into what it meant to live for God, to get to know God on a even more personal level.

Now, about three months later, I am starting to see all the pieces come together. I may not be able to see the whole picture yet but I know that every single encounter that I have is important. Whether it be talking with a woman at Starbucks or trying out a new church or seeing a student counselor, they all have an eternal impact.

It makes  me a lot more conscious of how I interact with people. Because you never know when that person or that encounter could become a life-changing moment.

Abba, I thank you and praise you for the work that I see you doing in my life! Thank you for my times of waiting and preparation. Thank you for opening my eyes to the seemingly small moments. Help me to keep my eyes trained on you in this next period of my life. Thank you! Thank you Abba!

starbucks and amen

I love Starbucks. I love walking in the door and feeling like I've walked into one of my good friend's house. Maybe part of this feeling is that I go to Starbucks a lot. Its a place of differing things. It's a place where I am both productive and procrastinator; where I am introspective and outgoing; where I am, in the truest sense of the word, me.

A while ago, I decided that I didn't like always getting the same drink every single time I went to Starbucks. So I started asking for a surprise drink, or a barista's choice. It's like an adventure in a cup. A little surprise party to celebrate another day alive.

Today while at Starbucks, I was writing in my prayer journal, getting ready to end my journal entry. I suddenly remembered a conversation that I had in my Bible study group earlier this week. It was about the meaning of "Amen."

A good way I heard it explained is that Amen is basically what Mary said to the angel after he came and told her that she was going to have a baby.

And Mary said,  

   Yes, I see it all now:
   I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve.
   Let it be with me
   just as you say. 

Then the angel left her. 

                                    ~  Luke 1:38 (The Message) (Emphasis added by blogger)

That is what Amen means. That means a whole lot more than just a single word to end a prayer or a word to show your agreement with what's being said. It's so much more of a commitment to say, "Let it be with me just as you say."

Abba, I pray that I would be like Mary. Let it be with me just as you say.

itineraries and life-plans

This coming summer, my little sister, BJ, and I are going to Europe for nearly 4 weeks. This Christmas, my mom and dad got us a book called, Rick Steve's Europe Through the Back Door: The Travel Skills Handbook 2011. It's all about traveling in Europe by going off the beaten path to experience Europe as a local. As my mom puts it, she created monsters of us with it. We have been constantly reading it since we opened our gifts. Now, before reading this book, BJ and I were planning on just going to Europe and not having an itinerary of any kind, that way we could go where we wanted to and not feel restricted by our itinerary. But then I read this:

"If you have any goals at all for your trip, make an itinerary. I never start a trip without having every day planned out. Your reaction may be, "Hey, won't my spontaneity and freedom suffer?" Not necessarily. Although I always begin a trip with a well-thought-out plan, I maintain my flexibility and make plenty of changes....With the help of an itinerary, you can lay out your goals, maximize their potential, avoid regrettable changes...and impress your friends." (Steves 68)

This got me thinking about how an itinerary is like a goal-specific mini life-plan: they both help a person set goals for the future, have the ability to take care of the necessary details for each step, and get the best experience by taking the worries and stress out of life/trips.

Now, if you have read any of my previous posts, you may have gotten the feeling that I am not a big fan of life-plans. In fact, you could probably say that before this weekend, I was completely disgusted with life-plans or anything that resembled a life-plan. You could also say that I had been burned...by a life-plan.

When I was nine years old, I decided what I wanted to be, a nurse. From then on, I planned my life from that decision. Everything from what to be when my sisters and I played dress up to what classes to take in high school and where to go to college. On my fifteenth birthday, my family moved from Oregon to Colorado. Now for a insecure teenager just having started high school in the town she had lived in nearly all her life, that was the hardest move ever. I went to two high schools that year, ate lunch in a bathroom stall the first day, and adamantly decided that I was going to move back to Oregon as soon as I could, which meant for college. I was determined to dislike Colorado: it was too cold, too windy, too hot, and just plain too sunny! And to top it all off, it snowed...a lot!

Junior year: take Med Prep class through the nearby community college to prepare me for nursing school. When senior year came around, my parents decided to have me take an aptitude test from Johnson O'Conner Research Foundation (JOCRF) just to "make sure" that nursing was what I really wanted to do and what would be the best for me to pursue. So I'm sitting in the office of JOCRF, waiting for the proctor to explain my results. She comes in, sits down, opens up my result folder, looks at me then at my parents, and proceeds to tell me that with my aptitudes, nursing is not the best option for me. It was a life-changing moment. The moment that I heard her say that, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was free! I didn't have to be a nurse! Then, I realized that my plan of going to a college in Oregon or Washington for nursing then living in Oregon/Washington for the rest of my life with my husband and kids and visiting Colorado as rarely as possible was not going to happen. In a few moments, with only a few words, one woman had completely knocked my life-plan out. KO. In the weeks that followed, I decided that life-plans were horrible because things just messed them up and then what was the point in having a plan if it didn't work out. I was burned by my life-plan.

What I realized with Rick Steves' book is that a life-plan is just a well-planned, well-thought-out rough guide to a journey. It's not something that is stagnant and doesn't roll with the punches. It is always changing, not letting the unexpected knock it down.

Abba, I ask that you lead my new life-plan. Help me to roll with the punches and see that even if something happens that completely throws off my plan, you are there guiding me. I ask that you be my ultimate life-plan, that every goal that I have on my plan comes from You. Give me the serenity to remain in You in every part of my life including my hopes and dreams.


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

do-overs and perfect timing

Have you ever wanted a do-over in life? A chance to go back and change a specific part of your life; to take that one risk that you have forever since wished you had; to do that one thing that you regret not doing; to not make the decision that you wish you had not made? I know I have wished there were do-overs in life. For one, it would make decision making a lot less stressful. I mean, if the decision you made turned out differently than you thought it would, you could just do-over the decision. But if there were do-overs, then what would force us to grow in our relationships with friends and more importantly, God?

This summer, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. Have you ever had those time periods in your life? The times where you just want to sit around and contemplate the deep stuff in life; when you figure out what your purpose in life is? That's what I've been doing lately.

So much has happened since I graduated from high school, not just events that have happened like my sister getting married or my niece being born but deep stuff about the very essence of who I am. That summer before I started college seems so far away now. If somebody had told me then that where I am today is where I would be going into my junior year, I doubt I would have believed them. And yet here I am in the summer before my junior year. The same person yet intricately different because of the decisions that I have made.

The person that I am today is a result of making the decisions that I have made. The growth that I have seen in my relationships is because of those decisions and their impact on my relationships. How can I wish for a do-over when that do-over would change every single part of my life? How can I not trust that God is in control?

What if I had figured out what I want to major in before I started college. If I had, then I would be at a different school; I wouldn't have gained the friends that I have; and most of all, I wouldn't be the God-follower that I am today. God knew that for me to have the relationship that I have with him today, I had to go to the school that I did and make the decisions that I made. What I'm trying to say, is that God's timing is absolutely perfect.

God, help me to remember, especially in the times that I wish I could have a do-over, that you are in control and that your timing is perfect. Help me to trust that your plan for my life is the best possible plan. And give me the patience to wait for your leading.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
                                            ~ Jeremiah 29:11

a to do list and life decisions

I was talking with one of my good friends this last weekend about how nice it would be to KNOW what God's plan for us was. Like a loud voice saying, "declare this as your major because this is where I want you" or "apply for that job because that's the one you're going to get because that is in my plan for you." And even though it would be nice in times of uncertainty like now when unemployment is so high and college is so expensive that you don't want to explore a lot of options, I don't think I would actually enjoy having God tell me straight up exactly where he wants me. It would become just another person telling you what to do.

Do you remember how when you were growing up and your mom or dad would tell you had to do something. "Clean up your toys." "Get dressed." "Its bedtime." "Use your words to tell me what you want/need." How many times did you grumble or complain or pout about doing it or just straight out not do it, I know I did plenty of times. What is it about somebody telling us what we need to do that makes us do the exact opposite, or at the very least do it with a bad attitude.

Life is not just a checklist or certain things that must be accomplished; its not just a long list of decisions that must be made; its not a puzzle with a discrete number of pieces. Life is a process; its a conglomerate of infinitely many little decisions. Its how we choose to make those decisions that shapes our lives. As a God follower, that means including God in all of the choices in my life, knowing that he's the one guiding my life, and choosing to listen to his authority.

Jesus, I choose to include you in every part of my life, I choose to put you in the drivers seat, I submit to your authority. Give the patience and perseverance to make the time to be still and listen to your authority.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

                                                                ~ 1 Timothy 4:12

"Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel"
   ~ Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood

clay and trust

Did you ever read any of the Choose Your Own Adventure books? I used to love reading books like them. I think it was the fact that I could have do-overs. If I didn't like the ending, I could just go back in the story and redo it choosing something else that time. Wouldn't it be nice if we had something like that in real life. Like a machine that would let you go see what your life would have been like if you had chosen the other option. I guess that would just create a lot of depressed people wishing that they could go back and change their minds. Yet the second we start wishing for a redo, we're basically telling God that we don't trust him to work out all the kinks in our lives. That God can't take the not-so-great choices we've made and make something good out of it. If a potter can smooth out all the wrinkles and lumps and bumps and rough edges, and have it turn out as a masterpiece; and if God is considered the Master Potter, then I choose to trust that he can work it out. He can take my wrinkly, lumpy, rough edged life and make it into a masterpiece that reflects the Potter.

Jesus, I give you my life. Take it and make it new. I trust you to make it a masterpiece to glorify You, the Master Potter.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out."  ~ Romans 12:1-2

still processing

This last week was spring break for me. It was probably one of the best spring breaks I've had. I went on a mission trip with the Annex to Denver. We stayed at Crossroads of the Rockies and helped out with their food and clothing bank on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We also got to work with their children's director on helping out with the after school programs such as tutoring, basketball, and cheer-leading. It was an intense week that went by really fast. There is so much still whirling inside my head about what I learned from this experience and yet when people ask about my break now, the most I can get out is that it was really great and that I went on a mission trip to Denver. Why is it that sometimes we have so much that is being processed that we can't begin to start talking about it? Am I the only one who is experiencing this? One thing I can articulate, this trip has fanned the flames of my desire to get into missions.

God, this trip was a real eye-opener. Thank you so much for the opportunity to go and serve in Denver. Help me not to come back and just go on with life like it never happened. I want to grow and change from this experience. In Your name I pray, Amen.

For pics from my trip, click on this link.

pointers and life questions

In my programming class, we are talking about pointers. Without getting into too much detail, a pointer is exactly what it sounds like; an arrow pointing to something else. Now you might be thinking that I'm pretty weird and most definitely a nerd (which I kinda am) for talking about my programming class on my blog. But I really do have a point so just stay with me. We're going to talk a  little about programming.

If you were to ask a pointer what its value was, all it would do is point to what the variable that it's pointing to. For example, let's say that a pointer, we shall call it p, is pointing to a variable, called v. And let's also say that v = 25. If we were to ask p what its value was, it would say "whatever v is, that is what i am. My value is 25." In a way, a pointer is an anology for our relationship with Christ.

Every single person has asked the life questions: Why am I here?, What is my purpose?, Where do I belong?. Maybe those questions that don't seem to have an answer are like pointers. Maybe instead of trying to figure out the exact "value" of each question, we need to look to what the questions are pointing at: Jesus.

Why am I here? To point to Jesus.

What is my purpose? To become more like Jesus.

Where do I belong? In Jesus' arms.

2 Corinthians 3:18 says, "So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." Jesus, I want to reflect Your glory. Help me to be like a pointer and point to You in all that I do.

power and surrender

I think God is trying to tell me something. There is this certain phrase that keeps coming up again and again in songs. Have you ever experienced that? The hard part is that I don't know what to do about it. The thing that I originally thought it was about, I wouldn't be able to do until two summers from now (2012) and somehow I don't think that is what God has in mind. I guess in a way I'm nervous about what His plan is. I have this inkling that I'm going to have a period of struggle and surrender with Him. Why is it so difficult to surrender completely to God. Is it the idea of giving up control and power? If so, what is so thrilling about having that power and control? I was talking this semester with one of my good guy friends, we shall call him Rhys, about this. One thing that he said that has stuck with me is that for him, its the desire to have influence in people's lives - for people listen to him and do what he asks. But how much more influence could he have if he surrendered that power and control to God. I mean think of Jesus! He had surrendered completely to his Father and look at the power that he was able to use for the glory of his Father (the miracles). Maybe I'm just rambling on and I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm still not sure what total and complete surrender of every part of my life looks like and I'm still not sure what God wants me to do with what he's telling me but I do know that I desire to surrender to Him and to follow his plan.

Here I am, Lord send me. I'll go where you send me.