21 August 2010

expectations and surrender

I'm not perfect. I'm messy and scatter brained and insecure. I speed, make california stops, and have driven without my license. I pretend to not see some people sometimes; I make rash judgments of people I just met; and I blantently do the opposite of what God is telling me to do. So why does it seem like certain people in my life expect me to be perfect anyway? That I'm supposed to not be unsure of anything; that I'm supposed to always complete tasks before they are due; that I'm supposed to never question where I'm going in life.

You would think that I would learn that I will never be able to reach their expectations, that I will always mess up, that I can't base my self-worth on them and yet I continue to set myself up for their rejection. Why? Why is it so much harder to get my self-worth from the only perfection in the world, Jesus Christ?

Maybe my problem is that I'm not keeping my focus on God and I'm getting caught up in my own desires and dreams. If I say I have faith then I'm saying that I have complete confidence that Jesus is who he says he is and that he will do what he promises. And he has promises us that he has plans for us that will prosper us and give us hope. (
Jer 29:11)

Maybe instead of me trying to be the woman that the people in my life want me to be, I need to surrender to the One who will always be by my side; to surrender to becoming the woman He wants me to be, a woman completely surrendered to Him

So what could I say
So what I could I do
But offer this heart, O God
Completely to You
       ~ The Stand, Hillsong