28 March 2012

insecurities and Truth

I am in a weird mood. What is going on with me? I hear C&S talking about having more kids and B&D about starting a family soon. What about me? I sometimes feel forgotten. I’m the single one. The single daughter who really isn’t independent. The one with the medical drama. The one who is good with taking care of the kids. The one who is wishy-washy. The one who is a freak. The one who talks big but has a small follow-through. That’s who my insecurities say I am. 

Yet I am not those things. I am not forgotten. I have a niece who calls me Dee and Dah and best friend. I am a responsible, independent daughter who has learned to ask for help when needed. I am the one with an incredible story of how God uses medical complications for good. I am like Jesus saying let the children come to me. I am open to change, I am not stuck in my ways. I am unique, unforgettable, irresistible, and irreplaceable. I talk through the confusion in my head and through it, I am able to take the baby steps towards real, long-term change. I am not my insecurities. I am not my fear. I am not enslaved by my past. I am forgiven and washed pure. I am the king’s daughter. I am pursued. I am a kingdom woman, I have a kingdom purpose. I am here because God has created me for a specific role that nobody else can fill. 

"God knit you together in your mother’s womb and created you in His very own image. He refers to you, as His masterpiece. The Creator’s greatest creation. Pause for a moment and let that sink in.
For those reasons alone, your value is intrinsic and irrevocable.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you. It doesn’t matter how dark of a past you might have or how broken you may be.
Your value cannot be damaged, destroyed or even diminished.
So please, let the Truth scream louder than the lies."

I am not my insecurity.

01 March 2012

being Deaf and God's purpose

This morning, one of my Facebook friends posted a status about the Rocky Mountain Deaf School and how her son didn't have to go there. She ended it with this: "yet God truly healed [my son] and knowing that God can heal each and everyone of those kids too."

I'm sorry I'm not sorry but that is a horrible thought! There is nothing wrong with being Deaf. Being Deaf doesn't mean that you need to be fixed! You don't need to be "healed" from it! Why the hell does Deafness require "healing" yet smartness or being short doesn't require healing? Yes, being Deaf means that a person can't hear most sounds. But if you ask a Deaf person, most will tell you that they would NOT WANT to be "healed". 

Just as mathematical geniuses tend to lack the social skills that the majority of the population has, doesn't mean that they need to be "fixed", people who are Deaf don't need to be fixed. A deficit in one area tends to enhance other areas. So why are we trying to fix those unique abilities?

I am so frustrated right now; I don't know how to channel my frustration into something useful and productive. But I do know this. God loves the Deaf just as they are! Being Deaf is not a horrible issue. It is not something that our hearts need to be breaking over. Yes, we can mourn the loss of hearing, but look for the good in the situation; look for the benefits of being Deaf like heightened sense of smell or sight or touch. Starvation, child pornography, sex trafficking, slavery, maltreatment: those are tragic, heart-breaking issues. Not Deafness. Don't put Deafness in the same category.

Abba, I am frustrated and confused. I ask that you would use my frustration and confusion for good. I know that you love every human being whether black, white, Deaf, hearing, tall, or short. I pray that you would help me to love your people with that same love. In Jesus's name I pray; do unto me according to Your Word.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.