suitcases and spiritual practices

I am currently sitting on the floor in front of my suitcase, , one that is currently piled high with stuff that I am 100% sure I will need. In all honesty though, I probably will not have any need for about three quarters of the stuff. And so, I sit here stuck on what to leave and what to take. 

In a weird way, this reminds me of my faith journey. Recently, I have been reading a lot about a variety of spiritual practices. Practices like praying the Hours, Lectio Divina, class meetings, practices from various contemplatives, journaling, daily devotionals, and Bible apps. Sometimes it seems like I am sitting in front of a suitcase piled high with spiritual practices instead of actually journeying. Isn't the point of spiritual practices to grow my faith, to shape my faith? Aspects that only happen when I am actually "using" them and not just leaving them piled in a suitcase.

I'm not sure where I am going with this thought. But I think I am ready to lighten my suitcase. Because I'm tired of just sitting; I'm ready to go.

blogging and God's awesomeness, part 1

Today, I was strongly encouraged to blog, since I haven't blogged in a couple weeks, by one of my ADX sisters, I'll call her Aro. So here I am, attempting to write however its not going that well. Maybe its because I'm trying too hard to write something thought-provoking that will spur each of my readers to become better people. I'll be honest, thats my problem. I've been told by my friends that read my blog that some of my posts are powerful spiritually. And now whenever I think about writing, I wonder if its "good enough," will it have enough "spiritual-ness" to bring people closer to God? 

When I first started writing, this was a way for me to share what I was learning about God's awesomeness through my daily life. But now, I've become egotistical and way to absorbed in the awesomeness of myself. I've become a pharisee-blogger. I'm a pharisaical blogger.

I'm not sure where this leaves me and this blog. I think I need to spend some time evaluating why I'm writing, whether its to glorify me or God.

Abba, I ask that you be glorified in everything that I do whether it be going to class, meeting with friends, or writing on this blog. Let your love flow out of me onto everybody with whom I interact. Forgive me for ever thinking that I was ever the one touching hearts through my writing when really it has always been you working through me. Thank you for loving me even when I mess up. 

clay and trust

Did you ever read any of the Choose Your Own Adventure books? I used to love reading books like them. I think it was the fact that I could have do-overs. If I didn't like the ending, I could just go back in the story and redo it choosing something else that time. Wouldn't it be nice if we had something like that in real life. Like a machine that would let you go see what your life would have been like if you had chosen the other option. I guess that would just create a lot of depressed people wishing that they could go back and change their minds. Yet the second we start wishing for a redo, we're basically telling God that we don't trust him to work out all the kinks in our lives. That God can't take the not-so-great choices we've made and make something good out of it. If a potter can smooth out all the wrinkles and lumps and bumps and rough edges, and have it turn out as a masterpiece; and if God is considered the Master Potter, then I choose to trust that he can work it out. He can take my wrinkly, lumpy, rough edged life and make it into a masterpiece that reflects the Potter.

Jesus, I give you my life. Take it and make it new. I trust you to make it a masterpiece to glorify You, the Master Potter.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out."  ~ Romans 12:1-2